I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable
Away his regiment ran,
His place was at the fore,
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of
My object all sublime
I shall achieve
polished up the handle of the big front door
He polished up the handle of the
When you're lying awake
with a dismal headache,
and repose is taboo'd by anxiety,
I conceive you may use
any language you choose
to indulge in, without impropriety;
For your brain is on fire
and the bedclothes conspire
of your usual slumber to plunder you:
First your counterpane goes,
and uncovers your toes,
and your sheet slips demurely from under you;
Then the blanketing tickles
you feel like mixed pickles
so terribly sharp is the pricking,
And you're hot, and you're cross,
And you tumble and toss
till there's nothing 'twixt you and the ticking.
You're a regular wreck,
with a crick in your neck,
and no wonder you snore,
for your head's on the floor,
But the darkness has passed,
and it's daylight at last,
and the night has been long -
ditto ditto my song -
and thank goodness they're both of them over!
In enterprise of martial kind,
When there was any fighting,
He led his regiment from behind -
He found it less exciting.
But when
A more humane Mikado never
Did in Japan exist,
To nobody second,
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philan
If you want a receipt for that popular mystery,
Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon,
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Take all the remarkable people in history,
Rattle them off to a popular tune.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory -
Genius of Bismarck devising a plan -
The humour of Fielding (which sounds contradictory) -
Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban -
The dash of a D'Orsay, divested of quackery -
Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackeray -
Flavour of Hamlet - the Stranger, a touch of him -
Little of Manfred (but not very much of him) -
Tupper and Tennyson - Daniel Defoe -
Anthony Trollope and Madame Tussaud!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Ah! Take of these elements all that is fusible,
Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible,
Set them to simmer, and take off the scum,
And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum!
For you dream you are crossing
the Channel, and tossing
about in a steamer from Harwich -
Which is something between
a large bathing machine
and a
polished up that handle so carefully
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy.
He polished up
There he plays extravagant matches
In fitless finger-stalls
On a cloth untrue
With a twisted cue
And elliptical billiard balls!
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
Din afore?
Din afore?
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
And he and the crew
are on bicycles too -
which they've somehow or other invested in -
And he's telling the tars
all the particulars
of a company
My object all sublime
company he's interested in
I shall achieve in time
It's a scheme of devices
[Chaos]
If we had been so lucky as to have a steady brother
Who could talk to us as we are talking now to one another,
Who could give us good advice when he discovered we were erring
(Which is just the very favour which on you we are conferring),
Our existence would have made a rather interesting idylls,
And we might have lived and died a very decent indiwiddles.
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter!
If it is it doesn't matter,
If it is it doesn't matter,
If it is it doesn't matter,
If it is it doesn't matter,
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter,
matter, matter, matter, matter, matter...
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